Here is a fun topic to read about if you get a spare 5 minutes. Something no one tells you about during pregnancy and birth classes, but it’s something all parents face eventually and for some it can be quite daunting. Toilet training, toilet learning, potty training…it’s a wild ride!
In the Bottlebrush room at the moment, we have had a large influx of children that have started to show signs of readiness for toilet training.
This is a huge milestone in the life of a little person. Toilet training is a big deal to children as it represents a major step towards growing up, gaining independence, and receiving positive reinforcement and approval from significant adults in their lives.
Toilet training allows children to take charge of a basic self-care task. It’s something they can do for themselves and for possibly the first time in their lives, something their parents and caregivers have very little control over.
As educators we have assisted and supported in the toilet training of hundreds of children over the years. We’ve seen and heard it all! One little friend was desperate to try stand up wee’s just like her brother, another friend definitely wouldn’t be using the toilet ever at childcare unless it was a Saturday, we have the low down on all the jocks and knickers and are often asked to divulge if we too have Bluey undies on as children proudly want to share what they are wearing with us.
No two experiences are the same. Like everything else within our program, we view each child as an individual and each toileting “journey” (I hate that word) is unique. We aim to work closely with families, offering advice and strategies and a solid plan for success.
I’ve had a few conversations over these last couple of weeks during which I referenced my own experiences as a parent and I thought they might be useful to share with everyone.
(My children gave me permission to share these stories)
My eldest son was a quiet little soul with pretty solid language skills at the age of two. He showed a strong interest in using the toilet before bath time each night and when waking up in the morning. He asked to wear jocks “like Daddy” to childcare and I decided to consult with his primary carer the amazing Kasha. Even though we had just had our second baby and it was the middle of winter she agreed he was definitely capable and ready. Kasha helped me understand the importance of not missing the “enthusiasm window”. If a child demonstrates an interest, we always want to honour that. It may not always feel like the right time but if you miss the window, it can be much harder to regain their interest. I explained that we were offering a chocolate at home every time he was successful on the toilet. With a secret stash in the cupboard Kasha literally had him toilet trained in TWO DAYS at childcare with no accidents and he never looked back. It was just SO EASY……too easy……..and regardless of my years of experience and professional knowledge that no two children are the same, I was certain that our toilet training experience with my younger son would definitely be exactly the same. What an idiot.
As a two year old my VERY different and very busy youngest child had no interest in toilet training whatsoever. At all. He had much more important things to do - like playing. His primary carer Arja reminded me not to push him too early and we waited it out until he was much closer to 3 and he finally told me he would like some jocks like his big brother. I thought ‘yes-this is it!’. After another chat with Arja, we agreed he might be ready to have a try. At home and at childcare he did his best and had an average amount of success vs wet jocks for the times he was too busy being a superhero, jumping on the trampoline, when he just forgot to go, or he didn’t actually want to stop what he was doing. I was reminded that I had a completely normal and typical child. In several weeks we had gotten there with the wee’s with loads of encouragement, role modelling by his childcare friends and the help of stickers and chocolates-hooray!
Poos were a completely different story. He just wouldn’t do them in the toilet. He couldn’t explain why, even when I offered him the answers. Was he scared or worried? Did he understand how toilets work? Was the toilet too big? Did he dislike the flush? - nope. His answer remained the same throughout. A firm and determined “I just don’t want to”. We offered our child more stickers and chocolate, we offered him toys, treats, money, a car, an overseas holiday (were we on a game show?) ….. it didn’t matter. He just didn’t want to do it. He wasn’t ready and all we could do was wait it out.
Where did he do his poos?
It was an exercise in patience, and I definitely thought the day would never come, but eventually one day for no particular reason and with no incentive - it did happen. When he was ready, when he felt in control of what was happening to his body and when he felt comfortable. Overall, his toilet training took around 4 months before I would say he was completely confident to toilet independently and with no accidents. So, a little bit different to just two days - but my second experience was by far the more “usual” experience.
Many toilet training children struggle with doing poo’s on the toilet at first. It’s completely normal and there is no linear time frame of how long it will last. As frustrating as it is, as their parents and educators we just need to ride it out with as little fuss as possible. The most important priority for us as educators is that children don’t feel fear or worry about what will happen if they do have an accident. This makes children anxious, unable to engage in meaningful play and often they will try to “hold” which makes them very uncomfortable.
If your child is struggling with doing poos in the toilet, let us know. We are always happy to offer them a nappy or a pull up if they would prefer to use one just during that time. It can be a good transitional step and also provides them with the chance to get to understand their bodies natural cues. Some children can be very distressed by soiling their underwear and some don’t care in the least. For hygiene reasons we always encourage children to tell an adult if this has happened, but we never place any kind of shame or blame on children.
The Bottlebrush Do’s and Don’ts of Toilet Training.
Do
-Ask us for our handy leaflet on toilet training readiness
-Follow your child’s lead. Trying to toilet train a child who isn’t ready never works.
-Use anatomically correct terms when your child is learning to use the toilet. We always refer to children’s genitals as their penis, vulva and bottom.
-Celebrate all the successes! We always offer children a sticker/stamp chart that they can see throughout the day and share with pride at pick up time. We can also use stickers and stamps if you wish to convert them into something a bit more motivational i.e. for every wee your child might get a smartie when they get home. This is entirely up to you. We never give treats or make promises without your express instruction/permission.
-Pack heaps of changes of clothes. Ensuring all waist bands are stretchy and easy for your child to manage.
Don’t
-Worry if your child shows no interest in toileting when you expect them to. There is absolutely no rush. Please note, your child does NOT need to be toilet trained to move through to the Coral Room.
-Buy expensive jocks and knickers and send them to childcare. If a child has a poo accident, we will dispose of unsalvageable underwear.
-Send your child in underwear without discussing it with your child’s primary carer in advance. It’s great to have a collaborative plan so we can prepare a sticker chart and begin encouraging conversations.
-Blame or shame for any accidents that happen
-Worry about how many accidents your child may have here. Childcare is a very busy and different environment to being at home and it’s easy to get distracted.
If you would like to discuss any of this further, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Sarah Bowden
Bottlebrush Room Team Leader